Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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