Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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