at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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