You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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