genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
