everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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