we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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