Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
