Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
