If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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