New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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