Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
