Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
