I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
