Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
