3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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