A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
