i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
