She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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