I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
