Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
