im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
