Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
