i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
