I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
