I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
