Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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