My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
