Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
