this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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