I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
