So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
