you mean i was at the winter classic?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
