Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
