i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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