I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
