first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
