You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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