he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
