so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
