I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
