Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
