you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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