about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
