return my video game
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
