I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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