If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
