Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
