Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
