Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Boobs are out for the taking
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
