so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do herpes really smell.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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