I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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