do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
