I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
time to smoke my breakfast
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
